At last, after years posing as an unconvincing, large (but recently harmless and I'll have words with Mike about that) German shepherd dog, I have managed to take some photographs of an alien life-form invasion long suspected by MI7 but relegated to the back-burner by the civil defence cuts. No doubt you all read about the drastic measures taken by the Government, and I quote "75 harriers sold to the USA!"; "Mountain Rescue costs of one million pounds a year to be slashed!"



Look closely at the enlargement, no - not the 'high' that some runners claim to get from extreme exercise - I mean the photograph on the right. None of their feet touch the ground! This is not athletic ability that we proven over years of surveillance, but actual levitation.

Today, my accomplice, posing as an out of work representative of the 'younger generation' whatever that is (not seen one on the hash since I was one), managed to take a photograph (at extreme risk of being unmercifully lampooned - which he was - but that's what all our agents are trained for) of an alien craft that had crashed into the forest. Despite words of its intentions displayed for us to read, they were completely incomprehensible.


These 'hashers', or so they like to be called, are an advance party of aliens that have landed on earth with a view to changing our entire life-style. For the first time today, we have seen evidence of the craft in which they travel, goodness knows how many light-years to colonise Hampshire and the rest of the planet (for what its worth, which at the moment is about minus seven trillion pounds, that is about 1000 per person on earth or 1020 if you want to come to the New Forest hash in January.)


These 'hashers' go out into the fresh air at least once a week and, without serious training or HSE advice, walk, stumble or jog for about an hour and, appear to ENJOY this!


Their ancient High Priest attempted to tell me, and anybody else who wouldn't listen, the history of their 'hash' movement. Sadly, I missed the point as I fell asleep and so their intergalactic words of wisdom have been lost forever.